Monthly Music Recommendation

I say monthly, but...who knows? Any shit, I stumbled upon a gem when I was perusing youtube. I was actually looking for that college choir that covers indie songs (they make guitar sounds and all). I still didn't find them. Does anyone have a clue who they are? [Update: Off the Beat] But this is what I did find:

A kid's choir cover of Listzomania by Phoenix.
If you don't like kids just skip this one.

If you have been caught up in the recent Phoenix boom, do peep the steez. The first is "1901" in front of the Eiffel Tower. The second is "Listzomania" on the ride to the Eiffel Tower riding atop a double decker bus.

And here's the aforementioned "Gem". A string quartet covering the whole "Deloused in the Comatorium" as well as the three songs off of the "Tremulant EP" from The Mars Volta. If you're not currently in the know, The Mars Volta and Sparta are the split offspring of At The Drive-In. (Also, Sparta has updated their sound...what do you think? hmmm.)

So this TMV cover is really, well, exciting. Granted, this Vitamin String Quartet doesn't play the full 7 and 12 minute length songs that TMV has in this two album span. But the four stringed instruments combine to mimic Cedric's vocals, the guitar and rhythm, and even the bass. It's like that beautiful opus that made us all very, very scared of drugs in Requiem for a Dream. The sound ranges from a seductive bossa nova take on Inertiatic ESP to a cover of Drunkship of Lanterns reminiscent of Animal Collective and Dj Spooky. Or maybe, their is no spin at all and the sound is all just Mars Volta's weird style still shining through a stripped down cover.

If you aren't in the know about the real The Mars Volta sound, well, I will put my surprise on hold and offer their website...you can stream a few new songs (although not quite the punch of previous albums). Still, it's quite different from the String Quartet's version.

This string quartet has supposedly covered around 232 albums so far including Tool, Tupac, AFI and even MJ. They have quite a discography.

Also, if you haven't played RainyMood.com in sync with a few of your favorite songs, you're missing out.
Christ, why did N'Sync have to ruin that expression for everyone?
How about some others band names that hurt to hear?

"Here, your change is a NICKLEBACK."
"I have a real SIMPLE PLAN."
Or any reference to a SLIPKNOT.
I also avoid using the words CREED or EVANESCANCE.

I hope you all have horrible days now. I feel like a guy who just remembered all the shitty songs stuck in his head from the day before.

I'd like to leave you with this new series that interviews people that make music from weird sounds.
Sound Builders on the band Peaking Lights.

Ketchup: A Problem That Didn't Need Fixing

So ketchup used to be in those nifty glass bottles, remember? The ones that they sometimes refill again and again in diners...even though it's illegal. Then I guess some people got into the habit of complaining about not being able to control the flow of ketchup. Either too much or nothing at all. Maybe these same people were jerks so their peers and colleagues neglected to offer the ol' Tap-Er-On-The-57 advice. So instead of overcoming their own shortcomings, these grouchy wrong-side-of-the-bedders pushed forward the movement for the plastic squeeze bottle. Or at least that's how I picture it went down.

Plastic is cheaper. It recycles better. And those morons could now control the flow of ketchup on their hamburgers and hotdogs using their own palsied hands. Yay, everyone wins.

But wait, this wasn't enough. Some whiny bastard cuts in and says, "But when I forget to shake it up, I squeeze the water and vinegar all over my bun. Look how soggy it is." (I imagine this guy to look something like Napoleon Dynamite's brother Kip.) Maybe it was those previous grumblers with just another bone to pick. Maybe it was the big wigs at Heinz 57 who decided they weren't pushing enough ketchup down America's throat. But we happened upon the spin-off of spin-offs to liberate us from our worries: a bottle that stopped the terrible plight of watery seepage. (Imagine if QVC or those other bastards got their hands on this idea!)

But again this was not enough. They had to turn the bottle upside down (something many of us had been doing any way) and make the bottle all fat and squat like a fucking beer can. Such ingénue...such a revolution! I would be riding the bandwagon too if it wasn't a worse gimmick than green ketchup and a worse innovation than hotdogs served warm at the Hess gas station...Christ, they’re bad.

The reason I have a stick up my ass is there is absolutely no way to control the flow of ketchup now. It’s either nothing at all or a firehouse-blast. You wind up with a deluge of Catsup on one side, and then, to remedy the accident, you don't squeeze any on the other side. Then you spread it around with your finger, or, if you’re smart, use the hotdog and the bun in a fornicative thrusting and spinning motion. (Does anyone actually say "catsup" these days?) You wind up with tomato shrapnel on the counter and stains on your new boat shoes. Snazzle-fraz! is what I say.

We don’t have to stand for it. But I’m terribly lazy, so I’ll just be a nice consumer and a bad cookout guest as usual. Oh, check out this hot dog.

Things To Do Before I Die

Bucket List. Let me start off by saying I hate that phrase. Call me old-fashioned but I was brought up with the “Things to Do Before I Die” list. The first time I actually heard Bucket List was when I saw the trailer for that mildly entertaining movie in which Morgan Freeman didn’t narrate or play God for the first time since the 1991 Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (…tell me you watched that whole video…I did). Everybody loves this guy. With his kind face and those specks of mud I want to scrape off his cheeks. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a good actor, but not quite the “chameleon” the media makes him out to be. He’s always playing some serious sage who has the weight of the world on his shoulders. He can play an authoritative ruler or an oppressed yet authoritative peasant—either way he is steadfastly just and morally correct. And then that smile creeps across his face when he breaks character and steals a cookie from the jar, oops, how cute!

See: Invictus, The Dark Knight, A Raisin in the Sun, Bucket List, Evan Almighty, Batman Begins, War of the Worlds, Bruce Almighty, Deep Impact, Amistad, Se7en, Outbreak, Shawshank Redemption, The Power of One, Robin Hood (these are just the ones I've seen...or could take a pretty damn good guess about, ahem...a raisin in the sun).

And recently, there’s been the I’m-old-now-so-it’s-cute role which has been simply timeless and adorable. Other movies pulling this romantic-comedy stunt and getting away with it: Meet the Fockers, Grumpy Old Men, Coccoon, and anything in the last 10 years with Robin Williams. Why can’t all men grow old like Willis, Rourke and Eastwood? Anyway, you can see my disgust for the ‘Bucket List’ phrase.

Here are some other things I'm not fond of due to their associations:

• Beanie Babies because I first saw them in McDonalds Kid's meals.
• Marylin Manson because of the goth trend he pioneered.
• Polo shirts because of people like this.
• Crocs because of those same people.
• Wearing sandals in winter because of those same...well, this needs no explanation.
• Michael Jackson because of Japan's obsession.
• Billy Blanks for the same reason.

Anyshit, I found this list in the caverns of my slowly-expiring, AARP-aged computer. I revised it and crossed off the ones I did. But, since Blogger doesn't support 'strikethrough' I used bold. Of course, I had to censor the numerous R-Rated entries…and I’m not talking gentle Christina-Ricci-rating, but I am talking Christina-Ricci-sexual-encounter-frequency. Without further ado, here is my edited Bucket List.

1. Climb a building
2. Punch a politician
3. Be a contestant on Supermarket Sweep - Every contestant who participated in the final supermarket sweep race failed in my eyes. I could do so much better.
4. Start a band that has at least an e.p.
5. Own a dog
6. Have two children
7. Have a successful marriage
8. Hold a stickbug
9. Successfully carve a large wave (in Hawaii?)
10. Be able to jump and get fingertips on a basketball rim
11. Read the unabridged Moby Dick - i recommend it
12. Read Dante’s Inferno - halfway there
13. Read the Bible
14. Live in Hawaii or Australia
15. Be able to do 5 flares in a row while breakdancing
16. Participate in Nick's spontaneous riot - my old roommate
17. Go to Chicago, California, Canada, Egypt, Japan, and Paris
18. Hitchhike - Japan, baby!
19. Skip a stone all the way across a lake
20. Road trip to California
21. Go through with a senior prank - lost the chance
22. Make a piece of art worth selling
23. Write a book
24. Hug random people in a city
25. Successfully pick a door lock
26. Jump off cliffs into water - Samoa, baby!
27. Spend a few days in a ballin' tree house
28. Revise this list a while down the road
29. Get sponsored for skateboarding - Almost 25 now...I think I'm past my prime on this one
30. Sport a Mohawk - Boom!
31. Have a girlfriend with sleeves
32. Write and direct a funny b-movie
33. Quit Myspace - 4/13/10
34. Date a girl that has a girlfriend
35. Own a Rabbit
36. Go skydiving, and none of this guy-on-guy nonsense. That doesn't count.
37. Have a girlfriend with dreads
38. Go on an archaeological dig
39. Ride a Bullet Train - Japan

Now, if I had some more control of my life, I'd actually start pursuing some of these goals. Someday, someday.