Thursday, April 1

Things To Do Before I Die

Bucket List. Let me start off by saying I hate that phrase. Call me old-fashioned but I was brought up with the “Things to Do Before I Die” list. The first time I actually heard Bucket List was when I saw the trailer for that mildly entertaining movie in which Morgan Freeman didn’t narrate or play God for the first time since the 1991 Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (…tell me you watched that whole video…I did). Everybody loves this guy. With his kind face and those specks of mud I want to scrape off his cheeks. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a good actor, but not quite the “chameleon” the media makes him out to be. He’s always playing some serious sage who has the weight of the world on his shoulders. He can play an authoritative ruler or an oppressed yet authoritative peasant—either way he is steadfastly just and morally correct. And then that smile creeps across his face when he breaks character and steals a cookie from the jar, oops, how cute!

See: Invictus, The Dark Knight, A Raisin in the Sun, Bucket List, Evan Almighty, Batman Begins, War of the Worlds, Bruce Almighty, Deep Impact, Amistad, Se7en, Outbreak, Shawshank Redemption, The Power of One, Robin Hood (these are just the ones I've seen...or could take a pretty damn good guess about, ahem...a raisin in the sun).

And recently, there’s been the I’m-old-now-so-it’s-cute role which has been simply timeless and adorable. Other movies pulling this romantic-comedy stunt and getting away with it: Meet the Fockers, Grumpy Old Men, Coccoon, and anything in the last 10 years with Robin Williams. Why can’t all men grow old like Willis, Rourke and Eastwood? Anyway, you can see my disgust for the ‘Bucket List’ phrase.

Here are some other things I'm not fond of due to their associations:
  • Beanie Babies because I first saw them in McDonalds Kid's meals.
  • Marylin Manson because of the goth trend he pioneered.
  • Polo shirts because of people like this.
  • Crocs because of those same people.
  • Wearing sandals in winter because of those same...well, this needs no explanation.
  • Michael Jackson because of Japan's obsession.
  • Billy Blanks for the same reason.
Anyshit, I found this list in the caverns of my slowly-expiring, AARP-aged computer. I revised it and crossed off the ones I did. But, since Blogger doesn't support 'strikethrough' I used bold. Of course, I had to censor the numerous R-Rated entries…and I’m not talking gentle Christina-Ricci-rating, but I am talking Christina-Ricci-sexual-encounter-frequency. Without further ado, here is my edited Bucket List.
  1. Climb a building
  2. Punch a politician
  3. Be a contestant on Supermarket Sweep - Every contestant who participated in the final supermarket sweep race failed in my eyes. I could do so much better.
  4. Start a band that has at least an e.p.
  5. Own a dog
  6. Have two children
  7. Have a successful marriage
  8. Hold a stickbug
  9. Successfully carve a large wave (in Hawaii?)
  10. Be able to jump and get fingertips on a basketball rim
  11. Read the unabridged Moby Dick - i recommend it
  12. Read Dante’s Inferno - halfway there
  13. Read the Bible
  14. Live in Hawaii or Australia
  15. Be able to do 5 flares in a row while breakdancing
  16. Participate in Nick's spontaneous riot - my old roommate
  17. Go to Chicago, California, Canada, Egypt, Japan, and Paris
  18. Hitchhike - Japan, baby!
  19. Skip a stone all the way across a lake
  20. Road trip to California
  21. Go through with a senior prank - lost the chance
  22. Make a piece of art worth selling
  23. Write a book
  24. Hug random people in a city
  25. Successfully pick a door lock
  26. Jump off cliffs into water - Samoa, baby!
  27. Spend a few days in a ballin' tree house
  28. Revise this list a while down the road
  29. Get sponsored for skateboarding - Almost 25 now...I think I'm past my prime on this one
  30. Sport a Mohawk - Boom!
  31. Have a girlfriend with sleeves
  32. Write and direct a funny b-movie
  33. Quit Myspace - 4/13/10
  34. Date a girl that has a girlfriend
  35. Own a Rabbit
  36. Go skydiving, and none of this guy-on-guy nonsense. That doesn't count.
  37. Have a girlfriend with dreads
  38. Go on an archaeological dig
  39. Ride a Bullet Train - Japan
Now, if I had some more control of my life, I'd actually start pursuing some of these goals. Someday, someday.


  1. Thank you for the Morgan Freeman discussion. That has always bugged me.

    Don't discount the senior prank. In 35 years any prank is a senior prank based on a technicality and honestly would be a lot awesomer. "Moooooom, grandpa saran wrapped the toilet again!"

  2. I want the XXX version, I have a girl with sleeves for you, AB, and --- below; you missed a few, loser! I would recommend Kiss the Girls and Along Came a Spider. Also, mom should be dragged out Mommmmmmm, or it looks like moom:-)


    Invictus (2009) .... Nelson Mandela
    The Maiden Heist (2009) .... Charles Peterson
    Thick as Thieves (2009/I) .... Keith Ripley
    The Dark Knight (2008) .... Lucius Fox
    Wanted (2008) .... Sloan
    A Raisin in the Sun (2008) (TV) (uncredited)
    The Bucket List (2007) .... Carter Chambers
    Feast of Love (2007) .... Harry Stevenson
    Gone Baby Gone (2007) .... Jack Doyle
    Evan Almighty (2007) .... God
    The Contract (2006/I) .... Major Frank Carden
    10 Items or Less (2006) .... Him
    Lucky Number Slevin (2006) .... The Boss
    Magnificent Desolation: Walking on the Moon 3D (2005) (voice) .... Neil Armstrong
    Edison (2005) .... Moses Ashford
    An Unfinished Life (2005) .... Mitch Bradley
    Batman Begins (2005) (VG) (voice) .... Lucius Fox
    War of the Worlds (2005) (voice) .... Narration
    Batman Begins (2005) .... Lucius Fox
    Danny the Dog (2005) .... Sam
    Million Dollar Baby (2004) .... Eddie Scrap-Iron Dupris
    A Remarkable Promise (2004) .... Narrator
    The Big Bounce (2004) .... Walter Crewes
    Guilty by Association (2003) (V) .... Police Lieutenant Redding
    Bruce Almighty (2003) .... God
    Dreamcatcher (2003) .... Col. Abraham Curtis
    Levity (2003) .... Miles Evans
    The Sum of All Fears (2002) .... DCI William Cabot
    High Crimes (2002) .... Charles W. Grimes
    Along Came a Spider (2001) .... Alex Cross

  3. Haha, just copying from IMBD doesn't count. Ooh, Edison. I'd actually watch that. I'll forward you the x rated version at some point.

  4. I'll have you know, I typed that list from memory, I have a Freeman Fixation (I'm seeing someone for it.)


  5. How was hitchhiking in Japan? I haven't done it yet...

    Also, 150% you age woman... good fucking luck


  6. Hitchhiking in Japan was kind of an accident. I was in a squeeze and needed a ride to arrive in Hiroshima in a certain amount of time. It worked well, and the two people whose cars I rode in were really nice and helpful. I threw them some money for the ride.

  7. i would love to help you with #1 are u in to mixed ethnicities. kill two birds with one stone lol

  8. Haha, Beth, I would love help on number one. Unfortunately, I am married now. haha.


You should probably engage in some conversation.