Fantastic "History of Japan" video

Hi folks. Long time no see.

I wanted to introduce you to this ridiculous(ly good) YouTube video on Japan's history posted some two weeks ago. But first, I shall stall a bit and address the proper niceties by introducing the video creator Bill Wurtz. He is a cool and kooky guy (strictly interpreted from his internet personality) that writes jazzy and outdated music to funny videos. Most of his videos are 10 seconds or less, if that gives you any indication on what you're getting yourself into. Here's a little taste.

Kind of reminds me of 5SecondFilms. Love those guys. Anywho, this Bill guy just randomly picked the country of Japan (about which he knew nothing), researched it, and created this nine minute masterpiece as a warm up (aren't you excited for more? Oh, well, watch the video then.)

I'm not an expert on Japanese history and completely understand that he has added some intended embellishments into this historical narrative. Do any fact-checkers out there spot any glaringly wrong details?

So what's next for Bill? He plans to either cover a lot of "topics" or "all of the countries...in a month" next. I'm sensing some snark, but what would you expect from such a filmmaker? Oh, and here's his website to complement all of the other interactive resources I've posted here.

Tokyo like a Richard Scarry episode

This screenshot doesn't do the video quality any justice.

Usually I have something insightful to say. Today, I'm just gonna sit back and let this beautiful time-lapse video of Tokyo do the talking. This video is called ちちゃな東京 (Chicha na Toukyou), or, Little Tokyo and is by Darwinfish105. Enjoy.

In a related post (by title only), please enjoy the open, yet camaraderic racism that is South Park: Little Tokyo.

The Detox campaign

Check out the Kanji! (source)

So, there's a new movement challenging blind consumerism and global policy. It's called Detox and it's a campaign to attack the toxic chemicals that are a byproduct (and often a "product") of clothing manufacturing. Not only do two-thirds of our new clothing have trace amounts of toxins but so does the water used to clean the garments. The problem is that third-world countries (chosen by fashion industries for their cheap labor and lose pollution laws) often dump this adulterated mix right into sources that locals use for drinking water. Detox is making slow progress in persuading leading clothing companies to switch out their most toxic ingredients.

Scantily clad protestors and Japanese language...doesn't get any better (source)

The part I like is the campaign's symbol: 水. This is the Chinese character for water...and while I don't know much Chinese, I do know that in Japanese the character is read as みず or "mizu". The 水 connotation in Japanese is that the water is cool and fresh, just like drinking water (source). Another interesting part is that people throw off their clothes in protest and reveal this kanji and the graphic for Detox. Check out the video.

Check out the updates on the Detox Campaign. 

Nintendo characters as Japanese woodblock prints

Illustrator Jed Henry is in the process of making some pretty serious Japanese woodblock prints. When I say pretty serious, I mean Nintendo-serious. He is re-imagining many Nintendo characters as Japanese woodblock prints. Pretty awesomely, too.

What is a woodblock print? It's basically a piece of paper that is stamped by one or many carved woodblocks. Woodblock prints, or ukiyoe (浮世絵), are especially hard for three reasons: (1) the negative space of the image has to be carved, (2) the image will come out mirrored so it's necessary to envision the opposite, and (3) have you ever carved wood?

Maybe you've seen this woodblock print before:

"Behind the Great Wave at Kanagawa" by Katsushika Hokusai

Hokusai was a master and included Mt. Fuji in some way in 46 of his famous woodblock prints. Can you find Fuji-san in his print above? I always thought it was part of the wave...


Without further ado, Nintendo woodblock prints by illustrator Jed Henry.

Donkey Kong - notice the cherry blossoms in the foreground

Kirby - an unfinished piece

Link, from Zelda, slaying the dragon

Mario and Bowser from Mario Kart - love the squid

Megaman - love the ink... is the wolf a newer addition?

Samus Aran from Metroid - Google her and see how saucy she is without the suit

Simon Belmont from Castlevania - I always sucked at this game

Many of the guys from Street Fighter - Who can you identify?

Be sure to check out the Ukiyo-e Heroes on Facebook for upcoming debuts!

Japanese farmer's incredible "scarecrow"

I love you, Earth! (photo)

Japanese farmers can get pretty intense protecting their crops. I have seen anywhere from school girl scarecrows to freaky mannequin heads on a stick. They even have a funny habit of hanging up old CD's to spin in the wind and reflect sunlight to scare off any invasive vermin.

Mama, these gourds are so big! (photo)

Now, as to whether any of these clever ideas actually works is not information to which I am privy. Watching "Dumbo" has taught me that scarecrows are just another perch for crows to rest.

The oldest known account of a scarecrow from 1300 years ago is actually from Japan (source). My guess is that you don't use something for 1300 years without it working, right?

Here is a peculiar video of a Japanese farmer in Shizuoka who has definitely thought outside of the box to keep his family garden untouched.

 

Thanks to Softypapa for the upload! Check out his many other travelogue-ish accounts of Japan.

Foldable line of shoes in Japan

Timberland Japan has brought back their 2009 line of fold-able shoes called the Radler Trail. The unisex shoes can be folded, zipped completely shut and then hung with a carabiner from you pack, or from anywhere.

Timberland boasts these are light and cushy. The uppers are made of breathable nylon while the bottoms are made with 42% recycled rubber made with Timberland's trademarked Green Rubber technology. These might be the perfect fit for hiking, camping, going green, and well, surviving.

The Radler Trail comes in the bale-lime yellow pictured above as well as navy, white/red, pink and camo (check out the colors). These shoes are perfect for those trying to travel light, but at $90 your wallet will be a bit lighter as well.

The real question is: How do they feel after a day of hiking? Also, I'm a little concerned with how bad these will smell folded up after a day of hiking. Good thing the insoles can be removed.

 As for me, I think I would have to go with the yellow or pink color (below). The camouflage should not be a color shoes come in while the the gaudy zipper really shows on the other colors. You might as well wear calf-high socks pushed down.

Happy Easter! - eggs the Eastern way

Eastern Eggs! Although seemingly now defunct, these eggs were robot-drawn art pieces that supported the British Red Cross tsunami relief efforts in Japan. You could even watch your own egg being made online!

You can catch a video of them making the eggs on Vimeo. So cool...too bad you can't buy anymore...

Happy Easter!

Amazing Japanese acrobats from 1904

Cirque du Soleile, eat your heart out. Here is a clip of two amazing Japanese acrobats that may or may not blow your mind.

This clip, owned by Thomas A. Edison, Inc and was filmed in Edison's NYC studio. A Japanese juggler spins a small boy through various somersaults and flips incorporating various poses. It almost resembles breakdancing in some areas. I'll let the video speak for itself.

You can download the video here.

GPS leads Japanese tourists right into the Pacific

Japanese tourists in Australia, misled by their GPS device. Fairfax Media/Getty Images

Japanese students in Tokyo were led astray by the GPS while vacationing in Australia (source). Trekking from the mainland to North Stradbroke Island with its popular Point Lookout (a major tourist destination during holidays) the three Japanese travelers drove down a gravel path which quickly turned to mud.

The tourists' GPS led them from Oyster Point through the thick mud saying it would guide them to another road. After getting about 50 yards out, their Hyundai Getz became stuck in the Moreton Bay mud. The passengers fled as the tide came up and waterlogged their rental car. Passengers on passing ferries watched in amazement (source).

The Japanese tourists had the car towed in to the mainland and will have to pay the 1500 dollars not covered by their insurance. Even though it had rained six of the seven days on their vacation, the three plan on returning to Australia in the future. They commented that they were just glad that no one got hurt.

What Dan Thinks: Now, if these tourists were American, I'm sure there would be a lawsuit underway. Being Japanese, they politely walked away from an embarrassing incident feeling lucky to have avoided injury. Also, they plan on returning. How genki!

What confused me about this is why they had continued driving when the already-suspicious gravel road turned to mud. I'm wondering if they thought all the rain had caused the mud. But even so, why had they dared to brave the thick mud in a cheap Hyundai intended for nothing more than city streets. And with the locals being so "kind" why had they not searched out some help?

Online Japanese typing program!

So, up until today I have been typing Japanese in romaji. It has been very frustrating trying to fit into any Japanese community using only Jisho.org to translate my romaji to kanji, hiragana and katakana.When I could use a computer in Japan, it was sheer bliss (but only as far as my Japanese skills would take me). But then returning to my apartment in Japan, and my simple English computer, I had to slave over single word translations with a dictionary just to use the Japanese alphabets.

Let me give you an example. Let's play guess who the foreigner is. (Don't cheat and look at the names!)

If you guessed I was Naoto, you were close. Incorrect, however. The point is, I stand out more than I want to. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but if I had the tools, I'd rather make it easier for the other Japanese members to understand me--especially if I can understand most of their conversation and want to add my own input.

So, yes, there are options. One of which is to alter your Region and Language settings in your Control Panel (Windows). It's actually quite easy.

But if you don't want a language toolbar lurking somewhere in the background, or you don't want to go through the hassle, this might not be the best choice. I just found out about Google Transliteration which apparently first appeared on Blogger. In 2009, Google offered an offline version. But the online version I present to you is easy, especially if you're just trying to talk with friends from a public computer.

 It's pretty easy, works just like the Japanese computer input and all it takes is a page load. You can mess with the font, colors, justification and all other sorts of Blogger formatting that I'm staring at now writing this.

Check it out here!

There are, of course, two drawbacks. One is that the dictionary and translation tool, which works for English and some other languages, seems to be absent for Japanese. Also, there seems to be a bug that every now and then stops your first letter from being transliterated.

Traditional American Clothing, or, Lack There Of

Jeans: very representative of the US but not very traditional

In one of the JET language course books there is a dialogue on the International Festival (国際フェア). Kim Sonho—a favorite language workbook character and close friend to Nancy Nagai—provides some photos from last year’s festival. Notice how warm and comfortable it feels when you study a language with a full cast of characters? So, this dude Sonho describes how all the English teachers in the area gather for the International Festival. They introduce their country, cook traditional food, put on folk costumes and take pictures with the area residents. At this point, I begin thinking, “いいな!” An interesting foreign cultural event like that would be impossible on my small island; me being the only native English teacher, and as for foreign cultures this place is relatively homogeneous.

I stare at Sonho’s black and white photographs of various ethnic costumes and feel a revitalization of my anthropological background. There’s a kimono, a Korean chima chogori, what looks like a Dutch dress, something possibly Chinese and another unidentifiable dress. (Don’t mistake my ignorance for disinterest, on the contrary…)

Hailing from the U.S. of A.—my mottled ancestry tracing back to five European countries—I wonder what I would wear to such an event. When I try to think of traditional American clothing, the only thing that comes to mind is jeans, a t-shirt and a baseball hat. Other than that, I feel like I wouldn’t be representing America as a collective whole. American jeans have only become popular in the last 60 years…and mostly every country in the world knows and wears jeans. So can jeans be considered traditionally American? Probably not. Moreover, they are plain, not festive, and don’t represent anything but current casual or working styles in America.

A lot of American’s wear basketball shoes, too, but does that represent America? The same goes for Ugg’s, Northface, Gap, Aeropostale and anything from Walmart or anything NASCAR. I bet a lot of Americans sport the Snuggie (blanket/shirt infomercial extraordinaire) in the safety of their own homes as well. But I’m not sure any of those represent “America”.

Another problem, which I’m sure you’ve picked up on, is that none of these popular clothing items sound “traditional”. Granted, America is a snot-nosed toddler compared to the historical giants of the world. China has written documents tracing back at least three thousand years; that just blows us out of the water. Although the U.S. has been scrapping with our global parents, relatives and neighbors for 400 years we still haven’t pieced together any semblance of “traditional clothing”. Oh, we have old clothes. What we don’t have is a nation proud of those moth-eaten relics.

Look at this chump...he was dead serious.

America has a lot of historical clothing. Civil War fatigues are honorable to certain groups, but most Americans share my current mind frame: “Who would follow such a specific section of American history so closely? Don’t they have a life?” (The word otaku comes to mind.) Besides, I heard the dirtier and oilier the Civil War fatigues get, the more realistic they seem. I don’t want any part of that. Have you seen the Family Guy episode To Love and Die in Dixie where small-town southerners participate in a Civil War reenactment? It wouldn’t be too much of a leap to say Family Guy represents a good portion of America, especially when they make it tradition to make fun of our past.

So, old war clothes are out of the question. We also have some European vestiges like knickerbockers, Puritan attire and such, but they’re not “American”; they only temporarily represented our fashion sense. Hmm…America was once ruled by tribes of Native Americans and their traditional clothing is beautiful! But we can’t use moccasins and beaded deerskins to represent America, especially considering the shameful things we did to these early inhabitants. So, where does this leave us?

As a nation, the U.S. tends to compartmentalize each fashion to its respective era. Anything old is out of style and thus, embarrassing to wear. (Granted, fashion designers love to recycle.) When the 1960s ended, we threw away our Austin Powers clothes. When the 70s ended, we threw out our Saturday Night Fever get-ups. When the 80s ended, we stopped wearing neon fitness wear, Thriller jackets and stopped emulating Madonna. When the 90s ended, we realized The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and Zack Morris didn’t represent us anymore. If we conjure up an MC Hammer costume in this day and age, it’s pretty obvious we’re attending either a Halloween party or an 80’s party.

Chief Little Crow, very festive, but not very representative of America

I wore a hakama to my wedding celebration dinner in Japan and (although I don’t exactly have an authoritative voice on the goings-on in Japan) it seemed quite normal—even impressive for a foreigner. Granted, I’m sure some younger Japanese may dread wearing zori to the local festival. I’m sure some think wearing a kimono to a wedding is boring or out-dated. But could you imagine a normal American getting married looking like a pilgrim or a Civil War general? Could you imagine a large section of Japan cynically ridiculing people that master the craft of tying a kimono or those that perfect the application of geisha makeup?

A surprising amount of culture has been preserved and remains respectable in Japan. This pride in culture and ethnicity is prevalent in many other cultures as well. As for the U.S., we have a very young country—also a country that is very fast to drop any sort of burdensome cultural ties. Our pride lies within the here and now. The past is something only to be recalled for nostalgia, history lessons or funny parties. It is a presence that generally slows us down and, with each passing year, needs to be shed like a fox’s winter coat. I’m not ashamed that we don’t have a homogeneous culture like Japan. I’m not upset that we don’t have traditional American attire to wear to the International Festival. But, it leaves a little to be desired, doesn’t it?

A Huge Step Forward for Health - My Plate Unveiled

Michelle Obama has been spearheading the crusade against obesity which yesterday birthed a simpler and healthier update for the Food Pyramid. The new “My Plate” design is laid out like a sectioned plate so we can easily compare the suggested servings with our own dinner plates. And look at that chique low fat milk up in the top right corner. Simple, and great. What’s beneficial about this design is that even grade school kids can understand the inconsistencies between the My Plate portions and their own large meat and potato servings. 

A good point of reference here is that kids from age 2 to adults obesity rates have doubled since the 1970s. The number of states with adult obesity rates over 25% has risen from zilch in the early 90s to 32 states in 2008!

Remember the 2005 USDA food guide travesty? It was a bunch of thin, colored wedges with foods crowded at the bottom (a version without titles or any information had been popularized on everything from cereal boxes to posters). Climbing the pyramid stairs was a clip-art guy—a symbol for the importance of exercise—seemingly conquering the food pyramid. That’s right, America, no matter how much High Fructose Corn Syrup and deep fried Oreo garbage you eat exercise will give you perfect health.

Before - a little crowded, confusing, Clip-Art guy beats the Pyramid

After - All kids are confused and guy walks over the rainbow parachute

Why did this no-brainer design take so long to come to fruition? 

Up until recently, the USDA-approved Food Pyramid has been fundamentally based on the 1956 model. The 1950s model was intended to ensure people were eating enough. You can guess why this ideology has been outdated for more than 60 years. Even at the time of this make-sure-you-eat-enough model, roughly 33% of adults were overweight. The only problem in the ‘50s was that obesity hadn’t yet been recognized as a disease.

Fast forward to 1992 when the meat and dairy bigwigs started lobbying to keep their large suggested servings (lest they might lose a few dollars keeping America fat).

Fast forward again to January of this year when the newest dietary guidelines were released after a 2 year struggle against aforementioned lobbyists. Nice work, Depart of Health.

Since the release of My Plate on June 2^nd, the USDA has spent $2 million to design and promote the plate. I think the U.S. deserves a high-five. 

Did you know?*

Before vitamins and minerals were discovered Protein, Carbohydrates, Oils, and Mineral Matter comprised the first USDA food guide (the latter category of which consisted of ashes from charred meat and vegetables as well as salts).

1920’s food group updates included four cost-levels and shopping suggestions for the Depression.

From 1943 to 1956, one of the seven food groups was butter.

Vegetables were a recognized category only since the 1992 Food Pyramid.

*Source

April Fool's!

We all have heard and experienced our share of April Fool's pranks and hoaxes. Whether it be the baby powder in the hair dryer, or the dried nail polish on someone's laptop, it's great to see the shock and even hate on someones face. I remember telling my brother over the phone that I broke my ankle tumbling down two flights of stone steps at our college. I also remember dipping my mom's toothbrush in the toilet. Sorry mom, I was only 6.

April Fool's was found to have been first mentioned in Geoffrey Chaucer's Canterbury Tales

Museum of Hoaxes lists the top April Fool's Hoaxes, most of which were played on the public. Some notable mentions were McDonald's left handed Whopper and Taco Bell's purchase of the Liberty Bell. Here is a good one I found relating to our Japan audience:

#20: The 26-Day Marathon

1981: The Daily Mail ran a story about an unfortunate Japanese long-distance runner, Kimo Nakajimi, who had entered the London Marathon but, on account of a translation error, thought that he had to run for 26 days, not 26 miles. Reportedly Nakajimi was now somewhere out on the roads of England, still running, determined to finish the race. Various people had spotted him, though they were unable to flag him down. The translation error was attributed to Timothy Bryant, an import director, who said, "I translated the rules and sent them off to him. But I have only been learning Japanese for two years, and I must have made a mistake. He seems to be taking this marathon to be something like the very long races they have over there."

Some of these hoaxes are great but it usually involves access or even ownership of a mass media source. One of the problems of such hoaxes is the Boy Who Cried Wolf effect when real, shocking news happens on April 1st. Here's a few notables:

• The Gremlin car (Garth's car from Wayne's World) was introduced on April 1, 1970.
• The death of Greece's King George II on April 1, 1947.
• The split of the Canadian Northwest Territories into Nunavut on April 1, 1999. 
• The launch of Gmail on April 1, 2004.
• The 165 people on Aluetian Island died in a tsunami April 1, 1946. In Hawaii, it is now considered the "April Fool's Day Tsunami" due to the drowned skeptics. 
• The late reports of Mitch Hedberg's death on March 29, 2005.

Daylight Saving Time Around the World

William Willet's pamphlet promoting DST went through nineteen editions.

Today, (March 13th) Daylight Saving Time has begun in the U.S. at 2am. If you are unaware, you probably don't work...or you still can't figure out why you were the first to arrive at work. Since "Fall Back, Spring Forward" we can all celebrate in the decadence of the extra hour. But, as people without clocks or view of the sun have been studied, the brain generally runs on a 25 hour schedule anyway. This means the hour is lost under our noses, while in the fall, everyone complains.

Actually, DST has caused controversy since it's induction in April of 1916.
Here's a very incomplete list of arguments:

1. It has mixed health effects.
1. More Vitamin D
2. Raised Skin Cancer Chances
2. It causes people to spend more money on food and leisure activities.
3. In some places is saves on energy (such as street lights)
4. It can adversely affect farmers who work by sunlight
5. It hurts prime-time broadcast ratings.
6. It may positively affect traffic safety.
7. It causes problems in computer installations
8. It is complex.

Wait, wait. It is complex? How complex could it be? "Note to self: set clock back," doesn't seem so complex! 

Well, let's jump into the politics.

The countries in Blue observe Daylight Savings Time

Although the DST system is unused by most of the world, the it is common in the Northern Hemisphere. The red countries here don't observe DST. The orange countries don't observe DST anymore. Confused yet?

Also, observing countries observe it in different ways. Some countries start on different dates or at different times. Kyrgyzstan and Iceland observe DST all year round. Unless you're a DST expert, I'm sure you're confused now.

Also, consider the differing time zones--some operating on different hour scales. For example, if it's 5pm in Khazakistan, it will be 5:30pm in India and 5:45 in Nepal! 

Now imagine a business man who regularly travels to 5 different time zones. This is absurd, compared to some of us Americans that wake up early (or late) and say "Oops" and all is cured.

Ohh, timezones, how uneven your lines are. Really, it's like a first-grader crayoned a hammer in the Pacific Ocean. That's our International Date Line. You'd think the difference between a whole day would be a bit more scientificly demarcated.

The Snapple Myths

There's the slave ship!

Snapple, that delicious beverage I used to savor many moons ago. I think it was the early '90s when I began purchasing a Snapple and a Butterfinger from my neighborhood Wawa to round out the perfect snack. Together, they totaled around $1.25 and were cheap enough to coax my pops into making a "Wawa-run". Each tasted so delicious, yet when combined, the bitter chocolate made the sweet corn syrup drink taste less than stellar. I never learned.

Any who, I recently heard this myth about Snapple that immediately piqued my interest:

The ship on Snapple's old label was a slave ship. In fact, when people started to catch on, they quick changed it to a happy sun. 

And like any plain, feebled-minded American I grasped the rumor as if it was written in bone. The fact is, Snapple, just as many other large corporation label products, has been the center of various rumors and urban legends. Over the years, Snapple has been accused of supporting the KKK, favoring Jews, supporting Osama Bin Laden, etc, etc, ad infinitum.

Snapple is a KKK deity. Mythbusters proved it.

The only truly bad thing about Snapple is that is that there is no actual fruit, only corn syrup, which happens to not be "All-natural" as advertised.

Where did the Slave Ship rumor come from? The fact is that early on Snapple was owned by a Boston investment firm. The ship on the label is actually a portrayal of the Boston Tea Party. Snapple was only forced to change the label due to the bad publicity. First, a smiling sun, then all sorts of fruit slices for each flavor.

I leave you with a quote involving drug dealers and Snapple...

I'm walking out my door to get like a Snapple, and someone's like 'yo man, you want to buy some heroin?' 'No... got any Snapple?' - Mike Birbiglia

Addictive Personalities

When I first heard the term "addictive personality" it was from a high school girlfriend who heard it from her shrink. Needless to say, she had some problems, and caused some problems for me. Maybe that's an understatement. Upon hearing this term, I thought my girlfriend had mixed up the words.

"What do you mean you have an addictive personality?"

Well, that was what her psychiatrist said.

"Yeah but what the hell does that mean? I don't see people flocking to hang out with you."

No, she gets addicted to things easily.

"That's horseshit."

Now, I wasn't upset about the fact that my girlfriend had addictions to various things. No, that was old news. What I was upset with is this ass-backwards psych terminology.

It's as if a bunch of recent psych grads were sitting around naming personalities.

"Shy."

"Crazy."

"Ooh, good one, Marcus. Addictive."

"Addictive?"

"Well yeah, someone who gets addicted easily..."

"Well, why don't we just say that? Someone Who Gets Addicted Easily."

::sigh:: "Because, Trent, it won't fit in the easy-to-read graph we're putting in the next Psych 101 book."

"Oh, I see."

And that was the last question asked about it.

Let's refer to Mr. American Heritage.

1. Causing or tending to cause addiction: an addictive substance.

2. Characterized by or susceptible to addiction: an addictive personality.

Number two is the polar opposite of number one. How can one word mean two opposite things? It's as if someone confused cretin had some strong influence over Merriam Webster. You know that second definition must have been added much later than the first one. Moreover, probably sneakily added.

"Ahem, attention. Attention, please. These are the following words to be added to next year's Silver 1950 version of the Oxford Dictionary. They are as follows:

"Crankshaft

Freeze-dry

Weeble-Wobble

Microwave

Cantankerous

Ant-i-bi-otics

Zamboni

and addictive persahumphh.

That will be all"

"Mayor, wait! What was that last one?"

"Didn't you hear me?! Addigmdn persmdmfphh. No more questions."

Monthly Music Recommendation

I say monthly, but...who knows? Any shit, I stumbled upon a gem when I was perusing youtube. I was actually looking for that college choir that covers indie songs (they make guitar sounds and all). I still didn't find them. Does anyone have a clue who they are? [Update: Off the Beat] But this is what I did find:

A kid's choir cover of Listzomania by Phoenix.
If you don't like kids just skip this one.

If you have been caught up in the recent Phoenix boom, do peep the steez. The first is "1901" in front of the Eiffel Tower. The second is "Listzomania" on the ride to the Eiffel Tower riding atop a double decker bus.

And here's the aforementioned "Gem". A string quartet covering the whole "Deloused in the Comatorium" as well as the three songs off of the "Tremulant EP" from The Mars Volta. If you're not currently in the know, The Mars Volta and Sparta are the split offspring of At The Drive-In. (Also, Sparta has updated their sound...what do you think? hmmm.)

So this TMV cover is really, well, exciting. Granted, this Vitamin String Quartet doesn't play the full 7 and 12 minute length songs that TMV has in this two album span. But the four stringed instruments combine to mimic Cedric's vocals, the guitar and rhythm, and even the bass. It's like that beautiful opus that made us all very, very scared of drugs in Requiem for a Dream. The sound ranges from a seductive bossa nova take on Inertiatic ESP to a cover of Drunkship of Lanterns reminiscent of Animal Collective and Dj Spooky. Or maybe, their is no spin at all and the sound is all just Mars Volta's weird style still shining through a stripped down cover.

If you aren't in the know about the real The Mars Volta sound, well, I will put my surprise on hold and offer their website...you can stream a few new songs (although not quite the punch of previous albums). Still, it's quite different from the String Quartet's version.

This string quartet has supposedly covered around 232 albums so far including Tool, Tupac, AFI and even MJ. They have quite a discography.

Also, if you haven't played RainyMood.com in sync with a few of your favorite songs, you're missing out.
Christ, why did N'Sync have to ruin that expression for everyone?
How about some others band names that hurt to hear?

"Here, your change is a NICKLEBACK."
"I have a real SIMPLE PLAN."
Or any reference to a SLIPKNOT.
I also avoid using the words CREED or EVANESCANCE.

I hope you all have horrible days now. I feel like a guy who just remembered all the shitty songs stuck in his head from the day before.

I'd like to leave you with this new series that interviews people that make music from weird sounds.
Sound Builders on the band Peaking Lights.

Ketchup: A Problem That Didn't Need Fixing

So ketchup used to be in those nifty glass bottles, remember? The ones that they sometimes refill again and again in diners...even though it's illegal. Then I guess some people got into the habit of complaining about not being able to control the flow of ketchup. Either too much or nothing at all. Maybe these same people were jerks so their peers and colleagues neglected to offer the ol' Tap-Er-On-The-57 advice. So instead of overcoming their own shortcomings, these grouchy wrong-side-of-the-bedders pushed forward the movement for the plastic squeeze bottle. Or at least that's how I picture it went down.

Plastic is cheaper. It recycles better. And those morons could now control the flow of ketchup on their hamburgers and hotdogs using their own palsied hands. Yay, everyone wins.

But wait, this wasn't enough. Some whiny bastard cuts in and says, "But when I forget to shake it up, I squeeze the water and vinegar all over my bun. Look how soggy it is." (I imagine this guy to look something like Napoleon Dynamite's brother Kip.) Maybe it was those previous grumblers with just another bone to pick. Maybe it was the big wigs at Heinz 57 who decided they weren't pushing enough ketchup down America's throat. But we happened upon the spin-off of spin-offs to liberate us from our worries: a bottle that stopped the terrible plight of watery seepage. (Imagine if QVC or those other bastards got their hands on this idea!)

But again this was not enough. They had to turn the bottle upside down (something many of us had been doing any way) and make the bottle all fat and squat like a fucking beer can. Such ingénue...such a revolution! I would be riding the bandwagon too if it wasn't a worse gimmick than green ketchup and a worse innovation than hotdogs served warm at the Hess gas station...Christ, they’re bad.

The reason I have a stick up my ass is there is absolutely no way to control the flow of ketchup now. It’s either nothing at all or a firehouse-blast. You wind up with a deluge of Catsup on one side, and then, to remedy the accident, you don't squeeze any on the other side. Then you spread it around with your finger, or, if you’re smart, use the hotdog and the bun in a fornicative thrusting and spinning motion. (Does anyone actually say "catsup" these days?) You wind up with tomato shrapnel on the counter and stains on your new boat shoes. Snazzle-fraz! is what I say.

We don’t have to stand for it. But I’m terribly lazy, so I’ll just be a nice consumer and a bad cookout guest as usual. Oh, check out this hot dog.

Things To Do Before I Die

Bucket List. Let me start off by saying I hate that phrase. Call me old-fashioned but I was brought up with the “Things to Do Before I Die” list. The first time I actually heard Bucket List was when I saw the trailer for that mildly entertaining movie in which Morgan Freeman didn’t narrate or play God for the first time since the 1991 Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (…tell me you watched that whole video…I did). Everybody loves this guy. With his kind face and those specks of mud I want to scrape off his cheeks. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a good actor, but not quite the “chameleon” the media makes him out to be. He’s always playing some serious sage who has the weight of the world on his shoulders. He can play an authoritative ruler or an oppressed yet authoritative peasant—either way he is steadfastly just and morally correct. And then that smile creeps across his face when he breaks character and steals a cookie from the jar, oops, how cute!

See: Invictus, The Dark Knight, A Raisin in the Sun, Bucket List, Evan Almighty, Batman Begins, War of the Worlds, Bruce Almighty, Deep Impact, Amistad, Se7en, Outbreak, Shawshank Redemption, The Power of One, Robin Hood (these are just the ones I've seen...or could take a pretty damn good guess about, ahem...a raisin in the sun).

And recently, there’s been the I’m-old-now-so-it’s-cute role which has been simply timeless and adorable. Other movies pulling this romantic-comedy stunt and getting away with it: Meet the Fockers, Grumpy Old Men, Coccoon, and anything in the last 10 years with Robin Williams. Why can’t all men grow old like Willis, Rourke and Eastwood? Anyway, you can see my disgust for the ‘Bucket List’ phrase.

Here are some other things I'm not fond of due to their associations:

• Beanie Babies because I first saw them in McDonalds Kid's meals.
• Marylin Manson because of the goth trend he pioneered.
• Polo shirts because of people like this.
• Crocs because of those same people.
• Wearing sandals in winter because of those same...well, this needs no explanation.
• Michael Jackson because of Japan's obsession.
• Billy Blanks for the same reason.

Anyshit, I found this list in the caverns of my slowly-expiring, AARP-aged computer. I revised it and crossed off the ones I did. But, since Blogger doesn't support 'strikethrough' I used bold. Of course, I had to censor the numerous R-Rated entries…and I’m not talking gentle Christina-Ricci-rating, but I am talking Christina-Ricci-sexual-encounter-frequency. Without further ado, here is my edited Bucket List.

1. Climb a building
2. Punch a politician
3. Be a contestant on Supermarket Sweep - Every contestant who participated in the final supermarket sweep race failed in my eyes. I could do so much better.
4. Start a band that has at least an e.p.
5. Own a dog
6. Have two children
7. Have a successful marriage
8. Hold a stickbug
9. Successfully carve a large wave (in Hawaii?)
10. Be able to jump and get fingertips on a basketball rim
11. Read the unabridged Moby Dick - i recommend it
12. Read Dante’s Inferno - halfway there
13. Read the Bible
14. Live in Hawaii or Australia
15. Be able to do 5 flares in a row while breakdancing
16. Participate in Nick's spontaneous riot - my old roommate
17. Go to Chicago, California, Canada, Egypt, Japan, and Paris
18. Hitchhike - Japan, baby!
19. Skip a stone all the way across a lake
20. Road trip to California
21. Go through with a senior prank - lost the chance
22. Make a piece of art worth selling
23. Write a book
24. Hug random people in a city
25. Successfully pick a door lock
26. Jump off cliffs into water - Samoa, baby!
27. Spend a few days in a ballin' tree house
28. Revise this list a while down the road
29. Get sponsored for skateboarding - Almost 25 now...I think I'm past my prime on this one
30. Sport a Mohawk - Boom!
31. Have a girlfriend with sleeves
32. Write and direct a funny b-movie
33. Quit Myspace - 4/13/10
34. Date a girl that has a girlfriend
35. Own a Rabbit
36. Go skydiving, and none of this guy-on-guy nonsense. That doesn't count.
37. Have a girlfriend with dreads
38. Go on an archaeological dig
39. Ride a Bullet Train - Japan

Now, if I had some more control of my life, I'd actually start pursuing some of these goals. Someday, someday.

Indie Pick of the Month

So Ricky Martin came out of the closet. Was anybody fooled? I think it was the skin tight white bellbottom pants, his penchant to show off his chest (preferably with hot wax dripping on it) and the frosted tips of his perfect gay-style hair. Maybe it was just that whole Livin La Vida Loca video. Don’t be fooled by the hot girl. Hot gay guys always have a few hot girls nearby. It helps attract other men. Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay. But imagine if he came out in 1999…all of the brainwashed TRL preteen girls’ heads would have exploded…and Carson would have exploded too, for converse reasons.

Speaking of super hot artists, here is a band of not-so-popular, average-looking guys. (I pride myself on transitions). The Brooklyn-based indie quartet to which I’m referring is Grizzly Bear. Their sweet, sweet harmonies puts barbershop singers to shame—even with those snazzy hats, armbands and bowties. And, ohh, the layers. Collectively, the band plays approximately [embarrassingly large number] of instruments and utilizes them in a way that will make you start to hate guitar rock monotony and find fault in the sometimes crowded Arcade Fire/Godspeed You! Black Emperor sound. And they accomplish this with ear pricking tones similar to when Andrew Bird lowers his violin to grace you with his whistling. Yeah, goosebumps.

I first got wind of these geniuses on Daytrotter last year before it became a membership site. Grrr (That's my grizzled hatred of memberships...even though you can listen without being a member and membership is free). Well, I scrolled past their name and decided a shitty band would be doing the name Grizzly Bear an injustice. Let’s be real, we live in a moderately-talent-soaked age where you can select artists by any number of irresponsible ways; mine just happens to be band names. I’ve come to be sort of good at matching skill and the genres I like with band names, so you could imagine my surprise when I stumbled across Neutral Milk Hotel (weirdos?) and My Bloody Valentine (trendy hardcore?).

They surely made the inde star-status rounds, with their strangely soothing Blogotheque set from a bathtub, their David Letterman appearances, and I’ve seen them twice featured in Spin while only having read a handful of recent-ish issues. (Am I the only one to notice Spin’s fervent recycling of material? Is every Featured artist plucked from the previous month’s Reviews?) As the band’s sound ranges from haunting and yet melodic vocals in “Colorado” to the whispered lyrics and soft melodica hidden by blips and cracks reminiscent of a turntable in “Shift”…you may need a few informal meetings with the sound before you can add them to any normal playlist of yours. They are a well-oiled machine which is daunting considering I heard (maybe on NPR?) that they practice on tour.

That being said, some of their music videos might haunt you dreams. Makes me shudder.

I'm not in love with all of their songs, of course, but I'm sure you'll find a handful that will top out your last.fm charts for at least a few months. If you're very critical of lyrics you might have a few disagreements with Grizzly Bear's vaguely depictive style. There's the persona and some other person, there's some sort of friction and you get a grasp of some images that lead you somewhere in your mind. Here's an example of the vagueness and simplicity in the complete lyrics to their "Knife" song:

I want you to know
when i look in your eyes
with every blow
comes another lie

you think its alright (x4)
can't you feel the knife? (x4)

Granted, not all forms of creative writing need to be fleshed out and I do appreciate their sometimes witty writing style.

Also, if you've been caught in this recent indie-turned-electronic fad, their complete Horn of Plenty album has been remixed by other bands. Take it or leave--there are a few gems. And, they did a savory collaboration with Leslie Feist of Feist fame. I had know idea that was her last name. They've toured together and covered each other's songs which makes me all the more antsy-in-my-pantsy to see this band live.

If you're not sick of clicking (or avoiding) links by now, I just found their interesting website today.